Elections GOP GOP Whining WTF?!

Arizona Republicans Are Looking For ‘Bamboo Fibers’ On Ballots To Prove China Stole The 2020 Election

In their desperate and futile attempt to prove that accused rapist and one-term loser former President Donald Trump actually won the state of Arizona (and the entire 2020 election), Republicans in the Grand Canyon State are now asserting that China stole the vote from Trump and handed it to Joe Biden.

Not crazy enough for you? Well, consider this from Slate:

“On Wednesday, a member of the Arizona election audit team that has been heavily touted by former President Donald Trump revealed that its examination of the 2020 vote in Maricopa County will include a ‘forensic’ analysis of ballots to determine if the paper is made of bamboo—in order to determine whether or not China delivered tens of thousands of fraudulent ballots to tip the state to Joe Biden.”

Yep, truth truly is stranger than fiction. You simply cannot make this shit up!

John Brakey, one of the officials who is “overseeing” the Arizona audit, was the clown who floated the “Asia” theory of what took place last November, remarking:

“There’s accusations that 40,000 ballots were flown in and stuffed into the box and it came from the Southeast part of the world, Asia. And what they’re doing is to find out if there’s bamboo in the paper.”

Bamboo in the paper. He actually said that. Here’s the video for any doubters:

When Brakey was asked the logical follow-up question, Why are you looking for bamboo, he responded:

“People in Southeast Asia…use bamboo in their paper processing. This is part of the mystery that we want to un-gaslight people about.”

Clearly, John Brakey has been sniffing far too much of the gas in the “gaslight” he’s referring to, and it has permanently damaged what little bit of brain matter he had left in his otherwise empty skull.

So this is where we’re at when it comes to the Trump faithful and millions of Republican voters across the United States: If the GOP loses, it must have been because the Democrats cheated. Of course, all evidence suggests that the vast majority of those who commit what little voter fraud there is in the country are card-carrying Republicans. But their cheating doesn’t count because it’s done on behalf of the best interests of the poor, ignorant voters who have no idea which way to mark their ballot.

Truth is now dead among at least half of this country. They killed it and now they want to replace with a conspiracy theory they found in the darkest bowels of the internet.

Maybe we should give these morons their very own “nation” on an abandoned oil derrick out in the Pacific Ocean and let them live in their version of reality instead of running the risk they’ll infect anyone else.

By Andrew Bradford

Proud progressive journalist and political adviser living behind enemy lines in Red America.

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