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‘Turd Blossom’ Karl Rove Calls Bernie Sanders ‘An Elderly Dyspeptic Bilbo Baggins’

Quick trivia question for political junkies: What was George W. Bush’s nickname for Karl Rove, his political advisor?

If you said Turd Blossom, give yourself 100 points and go to the front of the line.

And now Turd Blossom Rove has decided to take his vitriol out on the Democratic candidates for President. Appearing on The O’Reilly Factor last night, Rove said this about Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders:

“I call Bernie Sanders an elderly, dyspeptic Bilbo Baggins, appearing like he was at the British labor party meeting. I mean this is just ridiculous.”

Is that so, Karl? Do you know what we call your hero, George W. Bush? Worst President of the last 100 years. I think I’d rather be Bilbo Baggins, a beloved character, than the guy who got us into two wars, one of which is still in progress and the other which led to the creation of ISIS.

But Brother Turd Blossom was far from finished, and he also had this to say about Martin O’Malley and Lincoln Chafee:

“Martin O’Malley sounded like an overly earnest, slightly too intense 1950s ad man making a bad pitch. Lincoln Chafee was as hapless as a puppy stranded in a hurricane.”

There was also this about Jim Webb, who served honorably in Vietnam but Rove had no problems slagging:

“Jim Webb, probably sensing how inconsequential he is, was angry all night. It’s hard to believe this crew will draw many viewers for future debates.”

Shall we take a look at some of the candidates running for Rove’s beloved Republican party? Let’s do, and let’s give it the Turd Blossom touch as we do so:

Donald Trump: The prototypical bully that we all recall from our schooldays. Bullies are not popular in this country, and they often see karma catch up with them and get their block knocked off.

Ben Carson: A nice man who says highly objectionable things with a smile so they don’t hurt so much. Has as much chance of being elected as my pit bull does. At least she’s cute and loyal.

Jeb Bush: Who? Next, please!

Marco Rubio: Palm trees have more compassion than this guy. If you see him on the campaign trail, hand him a bottled water, laugh, and walk away.

Ted Cruz: Did Joseph McCarthy become President? Neither will his modern-day duplicate.

Carly Fiorina: Failed at Lucent. Failed at Hewlett-Packard. A success only at extorting money from companies desperate to get rid of her.

So, Turd Blossom, is that all you got? Seems to me like you should start worrying, because 2016 looks like it’s not gonna be a good year for you, either.

This article was originally published by the same author at LiberalAmerica.org.

By Andrew Bradford

Proud progressive journalist and political adviser living behind enemy lines in Red America.

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