Memo to Ted Nugent: Shut the F#*k Up!


To: Ted Nugent, Racist Xenophobic Hater

From: Andrew Bradley, Media A**hole Dipsh*t

RE: Please Shut Up Already!

It has come to my attention that once again you have said something so incredibly stupid and narrow-minded that you have exploded on the Internet. Specifically, I refer to comments you posted on Facebook in which you said, in your usual, dickish way:

“My openletter (sic) to all the braindead hippie logic-challenged dipshits in the media who dedicate their lives to hiding from truth facts history & evidence. Read em & weep numbnuts. We pray for you. Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go, little buddy!”

Ted, Ted, Ted. Why is it that when you decide to draw attention to yourself, it’s always in a negative way? Don’t you have anything productive to say? I realize that you’re an admitted draft dodger and prefer underage girls, which I do believe makes you a pervert (and potentially a felon in most states), but is it really necessary to add to your laundry list of sins and shortcomings?

Also, does your BFF Sarah Palin know that you’re tossing around the word “retard?” She’s kinda sensitive on that particular noun, especially in light of the fact that her youngest child, Trig, is mentally challenged. Like most mothers, she loves her son, Ted, and she doesn’t want him to be assaulted and belittled by someone who doesn’t fully understand how hurtful such a word can be. She even demanded that Rahm Emanuel, who was at the time White House chief of staff, be fired for using the word! Have you even called to apologize to Sarah and Trig? Might be a good idea. If you play your cards right, Ms. Palin might even give you an exemption for the word “retard” like she did her other good buddy, Rush Limbaugh. After all, if it’s all done in the name of humor or satire, that’s cool.

I’d almost be willing to give you a pass on this faux pas, Teddy, if you didn’t have a history of saying things that tend to offend and outrage people. I’m guessing you probably say these things because your days as a chart-topping rock star are long gone and you have to find a method for keeping your name in the news. How else are you gonna pay for all those bullets you so casually fire at your ranch? A man’s gotta put food on the table and semiautomatic weapons in the pantry. But some of these things you’ve said are just beyond the pale. For example:

  • “Hey, (Barack) Obama, you might wanna suck on one of these” (With gun in hand)
  • (On the 2012 Presidential election): “If Barack Obama becomes the president again, in November, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year. If you can’t galvanize and recruit people to vote for Mitt Romney, we’re done.”
  • (On immigration): “In an unauthorized entry, armed like they are right now, invading our country, I’d like to shoot ’em dead.”

This is not the way to make friends and influence people, Ted. No one likes a bully or a blowhard, and you’re both. So maybe you could just take a break, stay away from the cameras, away from social media, and just kinda do the hermit thing for awhile. See, you’re only making people despise you even more, and I didn’t think that was possible. I’m not saying you have to stop being you, just that we need to see and hear less of you. A lot less!

And if you decide to continue saying things that rile up normal, decent, hardworking Americans, I guess that’s OK, too, because this liberal media hippie numbnuts also has to make a living, and your ignorance makes for great copy.


This article was originally published by the same author at


By Andrew Bradford

Proud progressive journalist and political adviser living behind enemy lines in Red America.

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