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10 Quotes That Prove My Dog Has A Better Chance Of Being Elected President Than Rick Perry Does

Are you excited yet? Former Texas Governor Rick Perry will announce on Thursday, June 4, whether or not he plans to run for the 2016 GOP nomination to be President of the United States. Can you imagine how much fun it’s gonna be keeping up with all the stupid things he’s going to say?

But then again, Perry has said so darn many stupid things over the years that I’m willing to declare right here and now that my pit bull mix dog, Ginger, has a better chance of being elected President than Rick Perry does. She’s smart, loyal, loving, and doesn’t say things that make you shake your head.

Here are 10 of my favorite quotes from Perry. Enjoy!

1. “The reason that we fought the [American] Revolution in the 16th century — was to get away from that kind of onerous crown, if you will.”

Yeah, only one problem with that, Rick: You’re two centuries off on your math.

2. “I trust those independent school districts to make those decisions better than eight unelected and, frankly, unaccountable judges.”

There are nine justices on the Supreme Court. Again, not too good with numbers, is he?

3. “You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Is that the Texas version of Twitter?

4. “Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink. And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.”

Just as you choose to be an ignorant, braying jackass of a human being.

5. “I will tell you: It’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see. … OK. So Commerce, Education and the — … The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the …Commerce and — let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”

You might try purchasing some notecards and writing down your main points on them before the debate. Of course, this presumes you can actually write.

6. “Those of you that will be 21 by November the 12th, I ask for your support and your vote.”

Except that the voting age is 18 and has been since 1971.

7. “No greater example of it than this administration sending millions of dollars into the solar industry, and we lost that money. I want to say it was over $500 million that went to the country Solyndra.”

Perhaps we can interest you in being Ambassador to the great nation of Solyndra, Mr. Perry?

8. “Juarez is reported to be the most dangerous city in America.”

That’s really interesting in light of the fact that Juarez is in Mexico!

9. “From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.”

So does that mean that God works for Halliburton?

10. “Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of — against the Second Amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it — was before — he was before the social programs from the standpoint of — he was for standing up for Roe v. Wade before he was against first — Roe v. Wade?”

My dog doesn’t speak English, but she still speaks it better than this.

h/t Politicalhumor.com

This article was originally published by the same author at LiberalAmerica.org.

By Andrew Bradford

Proud progressive journalist and political adviser living behind enemy lines in Red America.

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